The 15 Cardinal Korean Rules for Driving in Seoul, Korea:
1. A right lane construction closure is just a game to see how many people can cut in line by passing you on the right as you sit in the left lane waiting for the same idiots to squeeze their way back in before hitting construction barrels. Bonus points are awarded for getting out of your car and moving the barrels.
2. Turn signals provide clues as to your next move in the road battle, so never use them.
3. Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you, no matter how fast you're going. If you do, the space will be filled in by somebody else (and this will happen every time), putting you in an even more dangerous situation.
4. The faster you drive through a red light, the less likely your chance of getting hit.
5. The car with the most extensive body work automatically has the right of way.
6. Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible, to insure that your anti-lock braking system kicks in. This will give you a nice, relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal pulsates.
7. Construction signs are carefully positioned to tell you about road closures immediately after you pass the last opportunity to exit, but must before the traffic begins to back up.
8. Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right. It's a good way to scare people entering the highway. Passing on the shoulder is encouraged -- that's why they're paved.
9. Speed limits are arbitrary figures to make Korea look as if it conforms with other international safe driving policies. They are intended only as suggestions and are, in fact, seldom enforced.
10. Just because you're in the left lane and have no room to speed up or move over doesn't mean that a driver flashing his high beams behind you doesn't think he can go faster in your spot.
11. Always slow down when you see an accident or even a person changing a tire. If you're lucky, you may see the unlucky breakdown victim get hit by a passing car.
12. Learn to swerve abruptly. Korean expressways are the home of very high-speed slalom driving, thanks to the Korea Highway Department, who puts potholes in key locations to test drivers' reflexes and keep them on their toes. Parts of truck tires are left on new highways where potholes haven't yet been established for the same purpose. The orange barrels are for special slalom events as they are reserved only for the most highly skilled in slalom driving when competitions are held at night and in the rain.
13. Seeking eye contact with another driver automatically revokes your right of way.
14. Giving on obscene gesture may invite armed retaliation. Be sure that your rifle is on the gun rack in the rear window (and therefore visible), rather than lying on the seat, and in range to pick up easily.
15. When in doubt, remember that all unmarked exits lead to the Loop Highway in the City of Seoul.
For those of you non-Seoulites, "the loop" highway was to have circled the city at one time. Then regardless of what side of town you live you'll have the old loop to get home on. the loop remains under construction for the past 10 years. it is still under construction like the Samgakkchi circle and other numerous subway construction projects. These quick transportation projects were established to constantly test your driving agility, temper and stress control and tear the living crap out of your auto's front and rear suspensions. Remember to drive "offensively"- the only way to survive on Korean streets and highways.
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