30 TYPES OF PEOPLE WHO SHOULD BE PHASED OUT
From Brain Droppings, by George Carlin

1 - Guys who always harmonize the last few notes of "Happy Birthday."

2 - People over 40 who can't put on reading glasses without making self-conscious remarks about their advancing age.

3 - Guys who wink when they're kidding.

4 - Men who propose marriage on the giant TV screen at a sports stadium.

5 - Guys in their fifties who flash me the peace sign and really mean it.

6 - People with a small patch of natural white hair who think it makes them look interesting.

7 - Guys with creases in their jeans.

8 - People who know a lot of prayers by heart.

9 - People who move their lips--when I'm talking!

10 - Guys who want to shake my hand even though we just saw each other an hour ago.

11 - A celebrity couple who adopt a Third-World baby and call it Rain Forest.

12 - Guys who wear suits all day and think an earring makes them cool at night.

13 - Old people who tell me what the weather used to be where they used to live.

14 - Men who have one long, uninterrupted eyebrow.

15 - Guys who wink and give me the peace sign simultaneously.

16 - People who say, "Knock knock," when entering a room and, "Beep beep," when someone is in their path.

17 - Fat guys who laugh at everything.

18 - People who have memorized a lot of TV-show theme songs and are really proud of it.

19 - Women who think it's cute to have first names consisting solely of initials.

20 - People who give their house or car a name.

21 - People who give their genitals a name.

22 - Guys who can juggle, but only a little bit.

23 - Actors who drive race cars.

24 - Men who wear loafers without socks. Especially if they have creases in their jeans.

25 - Athletes and coaches who give more than a hundred percent.

26 - Guys who still smell like their soap in the late afternoon.

27 - Blind people who don't want any help.

28 - Guys who wear their watches on the inside of their wrists.

29 - Any man who wears a suit and tie to a ball game.

30 - Guys who flash me the thumbs-up sign. Especially if they're winking and making the peace sign with the other hand

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added June 27, 1998