INTERNAL MEMO OF AN AMERICAN BANK re: JAPANESE BANKS

According to our inside contacts the Japanese banking crisis shows no signs of ameliorating.  If anything, it's getting worse.

Following last week's news that Origami Bank had folded, we are hearing that Sumo Bank has gone belly up and Bonsai Bank's growth has been stunted and now it plans to cut back some of its branches.  Karaoke Bank is up for sale and is going for a song.

Meanwhile, the share price of Kamikaze Bank has nose-dived and 500 back office staff at Karate Bank got the chop.  Analysts report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank and staff there fear they may get a raw deal.  Miso Bank is in hot soup, and it is rumoured that the merger deal between Tofu Bank and Soya Bank has gone sour. 

Three days ago, the market sizzled with news of Yakitori Bank's directors being barbecued by the shareholders at the Bank's AGM over massive losses in Asian loans.  The number of mid-level managers at Seppuku Bank was slashed by half. 

Even the mighty Tora Bank has lost its roar and is licking its wounds after a  US$750 million bad debts write-off. The only ray of light in all this is the arrival of a new bank rising out of the ashes of the others.  Its name - Hiroshima Savings - and their slogan - "we've survived worse than this!". Its merger with the Teppanyaki Bank is still hot and on the table.

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