A.G.E. Positive
It all started about 10 days ago when I was having a cigar and a whisky after work with a buddy. My friend has a well-deserved reputation as being something of a jock. So I was stunned when he confessed, "I don't know what it is, Tom. These days I'm just so tired!"
Well, hell! I'm often tired each morning when I get up. But him, too?!
I started asking around among many of my friends. Yep. These days they also just don't seem to have the same zip they once had. Is there something really significant going on? I wondered. I worried. I decided to take action. I went to my local clinic for a physical.
The news was not good. It was down right scary. Not only for myself but for many others. It went like this:
The doctor came out from his backroom shaking his head sadly. "Tom," he said. "I must give it to you straight - you are A.G.E. Positive."
"You don't mean - you DO mean - I mean…." I stammered.
"Yes," the physician kindly interrupted. "You have AGE."
"Well, if I have AGE, does that mean my wife of some 20 years may have it, too?"
My doctor straightened his posture and looked me straight in the eye. "My friend, I can almost guarantee that your wife of 20 years has it."
"For the Love of Mike! Is it common?"
He sighed, "Sadly to say, it has never been more common. In fact, with the Baby Boomers, there seems to be new records of the malady."
"Okay, doc. Give it to me straight. Can it be cured? Or is it always fatal?"
Doc slumped down in his chair and rested his weary brow in his hand. "Heaven knows how many billions of dollars are spent each year in both the private and public sectors to delay its advance or at the very least hide its effects. But I'm afraid to date it has always been fatal."
Then he looked up with a slight smile and a twinkle in his eye. "But please don't give up hope! We have major political parties right now building important planks into their platforms dedicated to stop the spread of AGE or in the very least minimize its effects! Who knows with the near future advances of medical science, positive thinking and state of the art advertising, you, your wife, and the rest of the Baby Boomers may soon be back on the way to a full recovery! AGE is not yet the final victor!"
With moist eyes I put on my coat as I walked to the door. The bright sunshine warmed my face in the early winter air. "Yes! I will not allow AGE to be the final victor - and I will be spread this message of hope to others whom may be A.G.E. Positive: We ain't finished yet - we're just a bit tired."
---Tom Coyner, 12/6/97
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Updated March 21, 1998