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The Blonde Jokes Page
A Highway Patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULLOVER!"
"NO," the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"
The executive was interviewing a young blonde for a position in his company.
He wanted to find out something about her interests so he asked, "If you could have a conversation with someone, living or dead, who would itbe?"
The blonde quickly responded, "The living one."
Two blondes, Diana and Patty, were walking down the street. Diana noticed a compact on the sidewalk and leaned down to pick it up. She opened it, looked in the mirror and said, "Hmmm, this person looks familiar."
Patty said, "Let me look!"
Diana handed her the compact. Patty looked in the mirror and said, "You dummy, it's me!"
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday a cop took away my license and now today you expect me to show it to you!"
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on "Science & Nature."
Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"
The blonde reported for her university final examination, which consisted of questions requiring yes or no answers.
She took her seat in the examination hall, stared at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration took out her purse, removed a coin and started tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet...Yes for heads and No for tails.
Within half an hour she was all done whereas the rest of the class was still sweating it out. During the last few minutes, however, she began desperately throwing the coin, muttering and swearing. The moderator, alarmed, approached her and asked what she was doing.
"I finished the exam in half an hour. Now I'm rechecking my answers."
Eleven women were clinging precariously to a wildly swinging rope suspended from a crumbling outcrop on Mount Everest. Ten were blondes. One was a brunette.
As a group they decided that one of the party must let go. If that didn't happen, the rope would break and everyone would perish.
For an agonizing few moments no one volunteered. Finally, the brunette gave a touching speech saying she would sacrifice herself to save the lives of the others.
The blondes applauded.
A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet.
"I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks," said the doctor. "The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least five pounds."
When the blonde returned, she'd lost nearly 20 pounds.
"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said. "Did you follow my instructions?"
The blonde nodded. "I'll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day."
"From hunger, you mean?"
"No, from skipping."
A blonde was having a lot of problems selling her old car because the vehicle had almost 230,000 miles on it.
One day, she told her problem to a friend she worked with. The friend told her, "There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it's not legal."
"That doesn't matter," replied the blonde, "if I only can sell the car."
"Okay," said the co worker. "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will 'fix it'. Then it should no longer be a problem to sell your car."
The following day, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic.
About a week after that, the friend asked the blonde, "Did you sell your car?"
"No," replied the blonde, "Why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it!"
So there's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?"
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river then shouts back, "You are on the other side!"
30 More Blonde Jokes:
1.) What do you call an eternity?
Four Blondes in four cars at a four way stop.2.) Why do Blondes have TGIF written on their shoes?
Toes Go In First.3.) Three Blondes were driving to Disneyland. After being in the car for four hours they finally saw a sign that said "Disneyland Left" so they turned around and went home.
4.) What do SMART Blondes and UFO's have in common?
You always hear about them but never see them.5.) What did the Blonde say when she opened the box of Cheerios?
Oh look, Daddy...Doughnut seeds.6.) Why did the Blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice?
Because it said concentrate.7.) Why do blondes always smile during lightning storms?
They think their picture is being taken.8.) How can you tell when a Blonde sends you a fax?
It has a stamp on it.9.) Why can't Blondes dial 911?
They can't find the 11 on the phone!10.)What do you do if a Blonde throws a pin at you?
Run, she's got a grenade in her mouth!11.)How can you tell if a Blonde has been using your computer?
There is white-out all over the monitor.12.)Why shouldn't Blondes have coffee breaks?
It takes too long to retrain them.13.)A brunette goes to the doctor and as she touches every part of her body with her finger she says, "Doctor it hurts everywhere. My leg hurts, my arm hurts, my neck hurts, and even my head hurts!"
The doctor asks, "Where you ever a Blonde?"
"Yes I was." she replies. "why do you ask?"
The doctor answers, "because your finger is broken!"14.) A Blonde and a brunette were walking outside when the brunette said, "Oh look at the dead bird."
The Blonde looked skyward and said, "Where, where?"15.) A brunette is standing on some train tracks, jumping from rail to rail, saying "21" "21" "21." A Blonde walks up, sees her and decides to join her. She also starts jumping from rail to rail, saying "21" "21" "21." Suddenly, the brunette hears a train whistle and jumps off the tracks just as the Blonde is splattered all over the place. The brunette goes back to jumping from rail to rail , counting "22" "22" "22"
16.) How do you drown a Blonde?
Put a scratch & sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool.17.) Why does it take longer to build a Blonde snowman as opposed to a regular one?
You have to hollow out the head.18.) How do you get a twinkle in a Blonde's eye?
Shine a flashlight in her ear.19.) Why don't Blondes like making KOOL-AID?
Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little packet.20.) Did you hear about the two Blondes that were found frozen to death in their car at the drive-in movie theater?
They went to see "Closed for Winter".21.) Why won't they hire Blondes as pharmacists?
They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters.22.) A Blonde walks up to a Coke machine and puts in a coin. Out pops a coke. The blonde looks amazed and runs away to get some more coins. She returns and starts feeding the machine madly and of course the machine keeps feeding out drinks. Another person walks up behind the blonde and watches her antics for a few minutes before stopping and asking if someone else could have a go. The blonde spins around and shouts in her face, "Can't you see I'm winning?!"
23.) Two blondes were walking through the woods and they came to some tracks. The first blonde said, "These look like deer tracks," and the other one said, "No they look like moose tracks." They argued and argued for a while and they were still arguing when the train hit them.
24.) Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger, but they couldn't. The girl with the coat hanger stopped for a moment to catch her breath, and her friend said anxiously, "Hurry up! It's starting to rain and the top is down!"
25.) A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. Then one day she comes home and finds her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
26.) Hear about the blonde that got an AM radio?
It took her a month to realize she could play it at night.27.) What happened to the blonde Ice Hockey Team?
They drowned in Spring Training.28.) What did the blonde say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA?
"Look! They spelled MACY'S wrong!"29.) Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
To see what was on the other side.30.) How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
Tell her a joke on Wednesday.
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