By Ryann Connell, Staff WriterSexy Seer Says More to Fellatio than Meets the Eye
Fortune-telling has a long and proud history in Japan. Even today, it's common for seers to line busier thoroughfares to snare those anxious about what's to come. Prophets seem to have their own particular method of predicting the future and more than a few oddballs have made their way in the business, such as the breast-reading soothsayer in Osaka and another who augers via mobile phones. But Nagoya has come up with a sex shop worker who doubles as an oral oracle whose readings garnered through performing fellatio not only blow the mind, but something else in the process, according to Shukan Taishu.
"It depends, I suppose, on what the member feels like when I first put it in my mouth, what shape it takes when it gets hard, the color and what it tastes like when (the client's) finished ... I take all these things into account, then read the fortune," says Kaho, the sexy soothsayer who claims to have read the fortunes of about 1,000 men by performing fellatio on them over the past year.
Kaho gives Shukan Taishu a blow-by-blow description of some of her more notable readings. She tells of how she turned prophet for profit after a disheveled middle-aged man visited her workplace. The man had been laid off, his wife had left him, and he was having trouble getting more work.
"I pulled the skin down and the top started emitting this black light. Once I'd put him in my mouth I could taste the sort of bitterness he'd experienced. I could see his future. And that future was an enormous amount of happiness at a racecourse," Kaho recounts. Sure enough, two days later the down-and-out man reappeared at the cathouse, telling Kaho that he took heed of her prophecy, put everything he owned on a horse and came up a winner.
Another man in his 30s who visited Kaho also appeared to have benefited from her medium ministrations. The man was interested in marrying a woman some 15 years his junior, but wondered whether he'd be able to make the marriage a success. At first, Kaho says she had her doubts.
"He didn't really have much of a presence, and I was telling myself that he wasn't the sort who'd even be able to get married," the sensual seer says.
Kaho says her opinion changed as his member, which had appeared to be of average size, continued to grow bigger and harder. She was finally convinced, she says, when she found a mole on his stalk.
"That's a sure sign of good luck that he'll be blessed by women. Without any further thought, I told him to get married," she says.
Shukan Taishu says the man took Kaho's advice and has been happily married for the past six months. Indeed, he still visits the cathouse once a month to report to Kaho on just how well his marriage is progressing, a move that has prompted the oral oracle to encourage him to become a palmist, though of a slightly different sort from those in the fortune-telling business.
"I tell him I can see signs of a divorce now. I'd hate to be the reason behind a divorce," Kaho says. "My advice to him now is to make sure the only illicit partner he has now is his right hand!"
Perhaps Kaho can confirm, with apologies to Shakespeare, that there're more things in heaven and earth, fellatio, than are dreamed of in your philosophies.