9.  God knew that Adam would one day require someone to locate and hand him the TV remote. 

8.  God knew that Adam would never go out and get himself a new fig leaf when his seat wore out and would therefore need Eve toget one for  him.

 7.  God knew that Adam would never be able to make a doctor's, dentist or haircut appointment for himself.

6.  God knew that Adam would never be able to remember which night to put the garbage on the curb.

5.  God knew that if the world was to be populated, men would never be able to handle the pain and discomfort of childbearing.

4.  As Keeper of the Garden Adam would never remember where he left his tools.

 3.  Apparently, Adam needed someone to blame his troubles on when God caught him hiding in the garden.

 2.  As the Bible says, It is not good for man to be alone!

And finally, the number ONE reason that God created Eve...

1.  When God finished the creation of Adam, He stepped back, scratched His head and said, "I can do better than that."

 Ford thinks about it, and says, - "I want to  hang  out with God  Himself."

 So, the befuddled St. Peter takes Ford to the  Throne Room, and  introduces him to God. Ford then asks God,  "When you invented  Woman, what were You thinking?"

 God asks, "What do you mean?"

 "Well," says Ford, "You have some major design  flaws in your invention:

  1. There's too much front end protrusion.

2. It chatters way too much at high speeds.

3. Maintenance is extremely high.

4. It constantly needs repainting, and  refinishing.  

5. It is out of commission at least 5 or 6 of  every 28 days.

6. The rear end wobbles too much.

  7. The intake is placed too close to the exhaust.

8. The headlights are usually too small.

9. Fuel consumption is outrageous.  Just to name a few."

 "Hmmm...," replies God, "Hold on a minute." God  goes over to the  Celestial Supercomputer, types in a few  keystrokes, and waits for the  results. In no time the computer prints out a  report, and God reads it.

God then turns to Ford, and says, "It may be that my invention is  flawed, but according to these statistics, more  men are riding my  invention than yours."

1.  In the unlikely event of my not having an orgasm after you've drunkenly rolled on top of me and pumped away for five minutes, wheezing like an old man with emphysema, I shall politely fake one. And it'll be a really good act too, with me saying stuff like "So THIS is screwing!" and howling like a cat that's being repeatedly jabbed with a compass.

2.  Should your mother show me any photos of you as a child, like those ones taken at your auntie's wedding where you've got a velvet bow tie and a pudding-bowl haircut, I shall make no comment. Ever. Or even look at you in a way that suggests they are at all "funny".

3.  I fully understand that a woman's main role in any relationship is to take the blame. So when you stub your toe in the bathroom or your football team lose, I agree that -- by some complex scientific equation incomprehensible to woman -- it will be my fault. Even if I wasn't there.

4.  Whenever my friends and I get together for a girlie chat, I will tell them that you are better hung than a large-balled Himalayan yak.

5.  And I will also mention this to YOUR friends. A lot.

6.  After sex (which I will NEVER refer to as "making love"), I will not expect you to cuddle me for hours till your arm goes dead. Nor will I let my hair annoyingly get in your face.

7.  I will never, ever give your penis a "cute" nickname.

8.  In bed, I will be as keen as mustard to try any novel sexual position you fancy. Especially ones where I do all the work and you just lie there, grinning.

9.  I will ruthlessly interrogate my attractive female friends and inform you if any of them have the slightest bisexual tendencies. Then I'll invite them around for dinner. And hide their car keys so they have to stay.

10.  After we split up, I will never sleep with any of your friends or colleagues. Or anyone else you have ever met. Or may one day meet.  And if men attempt to chat me up, I will solemnly inform them that you have "ruined me for other men."

11.  I understand that mechanical objects like cars, computer games and remote control devices are beyond the comprehension of women. I will only make a fool of myself if I attempt to operate them, so you're in charge of the lot. Except for the iron and the washing machine, of course.

Signed ___________________ 

 Date   ____________________