This is a true (stupid) story.

PAINESVILLE, Ohio (AP) - John Issa's court-ordered urine test came back positive. For pregnancy. However, about the only thing he's expecting is a year in prison.

"It was obviously not his urine," prosecutor Werner Barthol said.

Issa, 20, had to meet with probation officers and submit a urine sample before being sentenced for stealing Christmas gifts off doorsteps. But the urine seemed cold. Then the test showed the donor was pregnant. Issa was ordered to produce a second sample, which tested positive forcocaine. Investigators aren't certain whose urine Issa first gave them, but his wife, who accompanied him to the testing, is pregnant.

Allthough Issa was eligible to receive only probation for the thefts, he got a year behind bars on Wednesday.

"I'm sure the judge took the tests into consideration," Barthol said.

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Added August 15, 1998